Chemo Hair Loss: Having Fun with the Inevitable.

I am a prissy  little boy and need to shower at least once a day lest I skeev myself out by my own greasy hair. It gets oily, clumpy and grossly unmanageable if I don’t make every effort to fight nature’s cruel desire to make me look like an unkempt homeless person. This is ideally how I like my hair to look:

This is totally a bathroom selfie. JUDGE ME

This is how my hair looks after ONE DAY of not showering:

It is grosser than it looks.

It’s hard for me to shower now because I have a PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) which is basically an IV that enters a vein in my bicep and then continues on through my vein all the way up my arm, through my armpit, into my chest and lands IN MY FUCKING HEART. Yes, there is a tube that runs from my arm to my heart through one of my veins. Yes it felt super weird being threaded with it, but now I don’t notice it. It’s a very practical way to get IV drugs into my body without messing up veins too badly, and it lasts way longer than a traditional IV. Anyway, I can’t really get it wet, so we have to wrap it up like a birthday present with an STD. This makes daily showers an almost impossible task… so I decided to nip the chemo hair loss in the bud and take matters into my own hands. Also, if I let my hair fall out naturally I would be all patchy like that stray dog that gave birth under your dumpster, and I have more dignity than that. My body, my hair, MY TERMS (wait, wasn’t I supposed to be cured of my control issues? oh well!)

Remember Kevin, my best friend who crotch warmed my jizz for me? Well he is married to one of the most talented hair stylists in Denver, so I asked if she would do the honor of preempting chemo’s attempt to embarrass me by removing my hair. Dana happily complied (thanks again, girl!). A bunch of us, including Liana (who took the following hilarious pictures), some friends and some oncology unit nurses had a let’s-see-how-silly-we-can-make-Jason’s-look-head-shaving-party in my hospital room. Here are the results… I hope you find them as humorous as we all did:

Dana getting started… Jason getting nervous

Not a face of amusement.

aaaaand skrillex

I don’t even…

Don’t let this fool you, she really is good at her job, I promise.

I could probably actually pull this off, right?

I find this the least amount of funny, but I bet you disagree.

Obligatory Heisenberg. Came out pretty good, IMO

Pedo-Jason

And here is the final product. I look like a taxi driving down the street with both doors open (first one to guess the reference in the comments wins a free Chemo-Cocktail!):

It’s not that bad, right? I am going to wake up in the morning and have an absolutely panic melt when I glance in the mirror during my groggy morning bladder evacuation, though. Point your ear toward Uptown Denver at around seven in the morning on 1/29/2015 and you’ll probably hear my squeal.

This is how I’ll look for the foreseeable future. I guess I just gotta DEAL WITH IT… and I will.

Also, get in touch with Dana here and  Get a real haircut/color/trim/style from Dana! DENVER’S BEST