Funds Were Raised, Funs Were Had, Cancer Was Trolled

Everybody Get’s Leucky, the fundraiser that we threw last Saturday, was a complete success. We were able to raise around three thousand dollars for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society with the help and support of our friends, family, coworkers and community members. The event went off without a hitch and everybody but me was able to get nice and drunk in the name of Cancer. I was also able to make a lot of people who had no idea what was going on pretty uncomfortable with my inappropriate cancer jokes.

IMG_1951

Continue reading

Advertisements

Funds Were Raised, Funs Were Had, Cancer Was Trolled

Everybody Get’s Leucky, the fundraiser that we threw last Saturday, was a complete success. We were able to raise around three thousand dollars for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society with the help and support of our friends, family, coworkers and community members. The event went off without a hitch and everybody but me was able to get nice and drunk in the name of Cancer. I was also able to make a lot of people who had no idea what was going on pretty uncomfortable with my inappropriate cancer jokes.

IMG_1951

Continue reading

CancerTrolling.com is LIVE

Hey Friends, Fans, Families, Lovers, Laughers, Well Wishers, Followers, Supporters,

With a lot of help from a lot of helpy helpers we are officially unveiling cancertrolling.com.

ct.comb

It’s basically just a migration of this blog, but with a straight up legit domain name and stuff. We’re working on getting all the old blog links to transfer over to the new site at a single click, but I figured I’d just drop you a note here and let you know that you should be accessing all things CancerTrolling over on the dot com from now on. No more need for the dot wordpress junk.

banner3

 

As I’ve made it blatantly aware, this blog started out as a conduit for my brain and fingerrhea, but seems to be growing into something much bigger. The support this ide  has received in just over a week has inspired me to do more with my life and (dare I say) talents than the previous 30 years. Please bear with me as I go through some growing (and cancer) pains while I try to grow the scope of this brand/empire/fuckfest into its true vision.

Stay tuned for some more fun, exciting, human, real, gritty, informative content to come!!!

Anything is possible with a little #leuck

Staving off Cabin Fever: Hunting for RNs

Among blood clots, bed sores and other physical ailments caused by sedentary life in the oncology ward there is another,  even more dangerous enemy: Cabin Fever.  The doctors want us to keep on our feet as much as we can because being physically healthy is a healthy idea when you are already unhealthy and blah blah blah ugggghhh shut up I’m not listening. My doctor threatened to light a few matches under my shoe earlier today if I didn’t make an effort to get some hallway time (similarly to when we throw a racket ball down my apartment hallway for Dumb Dumb Ruby to chase). We’re supposed to walk three miles a day,  the hallway of the oncology unit is 28 laps to a mile, and the hallway looks like this:

BORING
28 x 3 x that= NERP

Compare that close-out WalGreens aisle to the sexual vibrancy of color, light and magic that exists within the confines of my Studio 54 Quarantania:

NOT SORRY
DEAL WITH IT

There is a clear winner when it comes to inviting atmospheres, and it surely isn’t the neutered network of fluorescent vas deferen outside my door. I tried to convince my doctors and RNs that I get plenty of exercise by bouncing my legs along to the sweet jams I be pumpin’ in here all day long but they still insist upon the fact that I leave my room and exercise my dumb body, despite the fact that I’ve been spending 30 years purposely punishing it.

I decided, regardless, to be a good little patient tonight and venture out into the vapid hallway… but on MY terms. I wasn’t just going to walk up and down the hallways like your local mall’s Bitchin Blue-Hair Betty Brigade… No, I WAS GOING ON AN ADVENTURE.

Continue reading

Our Chemo Romance

Chemo Romance, not that crappy band….

One of the hardest things about having the immune system of a kitten born prematurely with unrelenting feline AIDS is the lack of human contact. My chart says that I am “profoundly neutropenic,” which means that my white blood cell count is lower than snake piss (as we used to say in Upstate NY.) An errant fart could kill me at the moment, so everyone who enters my hospital suite has to wear a mask, gloves and a really stylish yellow gown made out of low-grade paper towels. My doctors and nurses handle me constantly, so I do have SOME contact, but that’s obviously not what I’m talking about. This is about being around my girlfriend.

To put it bluntly, my current physicality with Liana is about as fulfilling as a Mormon safe sex pamphlet. Ever since we’ve been separated by sterile barriers, I’ve realized how much I’ve taken for granted… There have been no hello kisses, no hand holdings, no skin-on-skin snuggles, no hair smellings (keeping this rated G, you PERVS.) The last feeling I had before falling asleep every night used to be her lips against mine, or at the very least a stray hand that fumbled toward me in the dark to maintain a symbolic contact.
Continue reading

We’re Up all Night to get Leucky

get leuckys

I’m up all night to get blood
I’m up all night to get some
I’m up all night for nurse fun
We’re up all night to get #LEUCKY

The night between the 26th and 27th, my night nurse came in to check my vitals at midnight. I had taken my nightly Ambien (totally necessary to sleep while roiding out on Prednisone) so I was toeing the line of consciousness that exists only if you’ve forced yourself to stay awake for longer than 48 straight hours. I’m talking total misunderstanding of your own ego, the point where you aren’t sure if you are in a dream or if you ever even knew what a dream was to begin with.

Continue reading

#Leucky

This is the title card from an old HBO show, if you aren't culture savvy.
This is the title card from an old HBO show, if you aren’t culturally savvy.

I want to get #Leucky to trend amongst the cancer community.

Definition: The full spectrum of of luck, from good to bad, that is brought on by having Leukemia.

Obviously it’s easy to see the bad luck that the disease can bring to a person. Ex: “welp, all my eyelashes fell into my cereal this morning, #leucky me!” or “My blood platelet count is lower than my IQ, it’s my #leucky day!”

But to be honest with you, I’ve been using it in a much more positive light, because if you’ve been reading my blog you may have noticed that I have fetishized the disease into a demented positivity. Every time I read through the comments on my donation page I feel like the #lueckiest man alive. When a nurse tells me that my energy has elevated the mood of the entire cancer ward I realize how #leucky I am to be able to help other people just by being myself. When my girlfriend goes way out of her way to make me feel loved despite my #unleucky circumstances, I know that I #leucked out big time.

Continue reading

The Donation Page

I just read through the comments and was many times moved to tears. Its a very humbling experience to receive money from your friends family and strangers in a time of need.

My amazingly wonderful friend from home (Oneida, NY) started the donation page. Oddly enough Kathryn was the first person I saw immediately after I received the news that my father died almost a year ago today, so she gave me that very important first hug.  Strangely enough I happened to be g-chatting her while my doctors gave me my Leukemia diagnosis, so she was again the first to know. Some might see this as bad luck, I see it as my guardian angel friend being very good at her job. The hug she gave me after this tragedy, however, came with a whole lot of force behind it from the donation page.

Continue reading